Imposter Syndrome

Newsflash: our thoughts are not real, they are stories made up by our brains, based on beliefs, experiences and perceptions!

You know this is true, because you live with the evidence – no 2 people have the same thoughts:

• You’ve been to an event with a friend, and when catching up afterwards you have 2 totally different memories
• You love a rom-com movie, your best mate loves a thriller
• Your son loves tomato ketchup, you can’t stand the stuff…

You get the idea! None of these are based on fact, they are just based on each person’s beliefs and opinions.

Now imagine you’re going to a networking meeting and your thought cycle goes:

Thoughts: oh no, I’m rubbish at talking to new people, I’m going to end up on my own like a lemon
Impacting

Feelings: I’m so nervous, I feel sick
Influencing Behaviour: Hiding in a corner so nobody can see you, say a few words but not many incase you say something stupid
Affecting the Outcome: You don’t make any good new connections
Reinforcing the Thoughts: See, I told you you’re rubbish at talking to people, you did end up on your own

Now imagine you’re going to a networking meeting and your thought cycle goes:
Thoughts: I’m not very experienced at networking, but others probably feel the same as me, I can do it
Impacting

Feelings: I’m nervous, but nerves are normal and I won’t be the only one
Influencing Behaviour: Approach someone else on their own or in a small group, ask a great question, get chatting
Affecting the Outcome: Connected with several new people, had some interesting conversations, have a couple of follow up meetings booked
Reinforcing the Thoughts: I did it, it wasn’t that bad and it was worth the discomfort, next time will be much easier

The only difference between these 2 situations is the starting thought… which were based on different stories!

So we know our Imposter feeds us thoughts, to protect us from the fears we have based on our beliefs – which are not facts.

Now we get to consciously fight back against our Imposter and choose a different story!

Start by paying attention to your thoughts & notice next time you hold yourself back or avoid doing something. Then ask yourself

1. What am I scared that might happen or not happen if I do this thing?
2. What amazing thing might happen if I do this thing?
3. What positive thought cycle would help me here? (if you can’t think of anything, phone a friend!)
4. Act as if the positive thought cycle is your reality (you are already used to acting based on a story after all!)

Don’t get me wrong, this process is Simple but it isn’t Easy – but with commitment to yourself, and practice, it is very possible! I know, I’ve done it.

It’s unlikely you will never hear your Imposter again, but when you do you will have the power to fight back, and then take that uncomfortable action and change your life!

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Good luck fighting your imposter!

Karen

Confidence & Careers coach, Clarity & Confidence